View from Valhalla

Category: Random Thoughts

  • “If you can’t say something nice….”

    I don’t know how many of you have seen the Disney cartoon Bambi to the point where you can recall Thumper being prompted by his mom to recite the above title. I can. I can vividly see the little bunny looking quite contrite repeating something that he had (obviously) been told over and over again.

    What has happened to our society? Were most of us not taught this same mantra? Don’t we teach something along those same lines to our kids? Then what makes it “OK” for us as adults to say some of the most off the cuff hurtful things these days?

    “Your too fat.” “Your too thin.” “Your hair is too thin.” “You have bony shoulders.” “Your feet are too big.” “Don’t you think you should….”

    I have to wonder where we’ve lost our sense of shame. What makes it okay to vivisect those around us? Maybe it would be better to change that little mantra from “If you can’t say something nice…”, to “If you can’t say something kind…”

    What’s the difference? Maybe nothing. Maybe it is just semantics. However, to me, I often think that perhaps people are trying to be nice by pointing out another’s shortcomings (as if their target wasn’t aware and probably even self  conscious of these same issues). On the other hand, I don’t think anyone would say these constant reminders are kind.

    A twitter friend, @montine (and a wonderful blogger: http:www.montinesilva.com) made an effort twice this week to only say/post positive things. What a great idea. What would happen if we took it beyond the net and made the effort, maybe just once a week to be kind to those around us. (I know, it will be hard for me too.)

    One of my favorite classic movies contains my favorite quote, perhaps of all time. Jimmy Stewart as Elwood P. Dowd in the wonderfully touching Harvey stated: “My mother always use to tell me, ‘In this world Elwood, she always called me Elwood, you must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant.’ Well, for years I was smart. I prefer pleasant.”

    Well you know what? I’ve been trying to be smart for many years now, would you like to join me as I try to become more pleasant?

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  • Nap well, sweet prince

    As you lay there, with your head on my tummy, I tell you “one moe time” the story of the three little pigs.

    Your blue eyes burn into mine and I cherish this moment. I wonder how long it will be until you are too old to use daddy’s tummy as a pillow and no longer want to be held and cradled.

    You stroke my arm as I stroke your golden head. You know exactly when to add “and then the wolf came!” even though you can barely keep your eyes open. You are fighting sleep, and yet you can’t keep it away.

    As I carry you into your bedroom, and gently lay you on your bed, my heart swells with love once more. My eyes shine with unshed moisture and I swallow back the lump in my throat.

    You are my pride. You are my joy. I hope you will never doubt how much your parents love you. You make every day a good day, and bring a new meaning and joy to my life.

    You are, indeed, my beautiful little prince.

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  • Won’t you be my neighbor?

    One and a half years ago, I past the birthday many of us dread the most. 40. Yup. According to myself and many of the kids I went to school with, I’m ancient. Heck, as a kid, a friend and I swore we’d never live past 35. Guess we were wrong.

    Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s might not have been the Norman Rockwell montage stereotype our parents had, but mine was still pretty ideal.

    I grew up in a small town. We knew all of our neighbors and if anyone moved away, they were written to, and visited if possible. All the kids in the neighborhood would play at the park or at the high school football field on many summer evenings. We were safe and we knew it. We went home when the street lights came on, and not a minute sooner. I remember it was around the time I turned ten that we began locking our doors when we were away from home.

    I spent many nights of my teenage years walking the streets of my small town or sitting on my best friends porch watching some of the other teenagers “cruise”.

    I’m sure many of you had similar childhoods (at least I hope so) and I’m afraid some of you did not.

    Well, we all know times have changed. Today, we would never leave our homes unlocked while we were out, and many of us keep the doors locked in the middle of the afternoon when everyone is home.

    I have lived in the house I currently reside in now for over 8 years. I can’t tell you the last names of either of my next door neighbors. I don’t know their phone numbers. I don’t know their stories.

    Although I’ve tried on several occassions to change this, I’ll take as much resposibility for this as anyone else could. I could have tried harder.

    Recently, my son fell ill. He might have had the swine flu. We’ll find out when the test results come back.

    After I had called my parents, I turned to my friends in the community for solace and reassurance.

    “Wait a minute, I thought you said you don’t feel a sense of community with your neighborhood,” I can hear a few of you thinking. You’re right, the community I’m referring to is twitter.

    You see, I’m a twitterholic. I tweet regularly. In fact, in my twitter neighborhood, I’m probably the village idiot, LOL. At the very least I’m one of the comedians.

    If you’re not part of this kind of social network, you might ask if it is real. Well, it is to me. Maybe my Mac does have multiple personality disorder and all of these “friends” are figments of it’s imagination. If so, at least my Mac has good taste. (If I used a PC, I would probably be stuck following Ashton and his rifraf.) [yes Val, I am expecting a solid rejoinder on that remark. LOL]

    During the past year, these virtual friends have helped me through some tough times. (These are documented in the blog post Perspective.)

    Let me digress a moment here and explain my twitter rationale. For me, friends have never been about the numbers. I have a fairly small number of followers, and a signifcantly smaller group I follow. However, my rules are simple. Talk to me and I’ll follow you. Continue to try to engage me even occassionally, and I’ll continue to follow you. Ignore me when I try to engage you in a conversation, possibly even one you’ve begun, and I’ll forgive you a couple of times. Continue the behavior, and you’re dropped. That is why I no longer follow any celebs.

    As I’ve previously mentioned, my network is small, but there isn’t a single one I wouldn’t like to meet in the meat world and share a cup of coffee and a story with.

    Here’s the role call:
    Tee Morris – @teemonster
    Dude, I had listened to you bring Billi to life in 2006. It was now 2008, I was out of work and heard you give out your twitter address during the wonderful broadcast of Morevi Remastered. You were the first person I followed that I didn’t know. I now call you friend. I regard you as an exemplary author, podcaster, person and father. Twitter is your drug of choice and you’ve got me hooked.

    Philippa Ballantine – @philippajane
    Your voicing Askana led me to your own podcast novel, Chasing the Bard. I purchased both halves of Double Trouble and was astounded by the most original sequel I’d EVER read. This encouraged me to send you a tweet, and I discovered that, not only are you one of my favorite authors ever, you’re one of my favorite people. You’re witty, snarky, intelligent and kind hearted to a fault. And you wrote Weather Child just for me (I know I wasn’t supposed to tell, but I couldn’t keep it quiet any longer). Just a reminder everyone- I AM WC’s biggest fan, I claimed it. It’s mine.

    Val Griswold-Ford (she has an author site, but this is where she lives) – @vg_ford
    You’re a newer addition to my list, but one of the best. I love your books, Not Your Father’s Horsemen and Dark Moon Seasons, but even more so, I appreciate your easy going but sincere approach to life. I’m a fan, but I am your friend. Thank you so much for your encouragement with my silly little stories. Go Sox! (Now, if I could just talk you into buying a Mac, you would be so very happy!)

    Alex White – @alruff
    You’re the first, and to this point, only one that has approached me from having read something on this blog. That means a lot to me. You are extremely talented in many areas. You have my envy and admiration. The Gearheart is rocking and sure to be a hit. I have enjoyed our communications to this point and look forward to many, many more. Thank you. I look forward to the day when I’ll be telling my boys, “I knew Alex when…” Big things are coming for you, I believe it.

    Charlie – @quonundrum
    One of my most recent additions to the list. Your sincerity and comraderie put you on this list automatically. I look forward to getting to know you better.

    @urgentcoffeenow
    Finding an old friend in a new environment has been exceedingly cool.

    @emilyofnewmoon
    She doesn’t really tweet, and I think I’m her only follower. (and she’ll probably have me remove her from this list) She is also the most beautiful woman in the world, the most wonderful mother in the world and the person I respect most in the world. Just don’t tell my wife, okay?

    If you’re not mentioned here, but I follow you, you’re still an important part of my day. Thank you.

    And thank you all for being my neighbors!

    (This was typed on my iPhone in it’s entirety between 11:00 and midnight. Links, spelling and grammer will be updated tomorrow.)

    [Links applied, but still not sure about the spelling and grammer, lol]

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  • Nina Kimberly

    A week ago, another fine podcasting author, Christiana Ellis, made her rush on Amazon with her delightfully fun novel, Nina Kimberly the Merciless. Amazon played some of their infamous games during the day and probably (definitely) kept Ms. Ellis’s numbers from being what they could have been.

    That being said, there is no reason not to run over and purchase this book today. It really is quite fun and enjoyable. If you are reluctant to purchase a new author in these days of financial stress, Dragon Moon Press and Ms. Ellis have made the entire text available for download to bloggers and others. Please feel free to download and read the novel, and if you like it, please consider purchasing either from Amazon or other Dragon Moon Press dealers.

    Click here for Nina Kimberly!

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  • on being a social hermit

    While talking with my wife last night, I realized – once again – that the way I see myself and the way other people see me (due to my interaction with them) are in many ways completely dichotomous.

    It seems like my entire life, I have been in a role where I was expected to be able to deal with people. I was born the second son, and soon became the middle. I have many of the middle child characteristics that we have heard so much about. I rarely stood up for myself (and sometimes still don’t) and, yes, I was always the peacemaker. Sometimes to the extent that I would patch up things between others while redirecting their mutual antagonism to a new target: myself.

    My first job was as a librarian, where I regularly helped people in their research needs and quite often might just help them find a book that they might possibly enjoy reading (harder task for some than you might expect). At that same time in my life (sophomore in high school) I was also a lifeguard and swimming lesson instructor. In this role I was regularly called upon to deal politely with the clientele.

    As I continued working as a librarian/lifeguard, I also went to college and gained my undergraduate degree in elementary education. As all ready notated in “How did I get here”, upon graduation I moved to South Texas and began my teaching career. After twelve years on the front lines of education, I began working as a education specialist, presenting to teachers and administrators. I’ve also been an IT Director along the way.

    In all of these positions, my life was made much easier due to the fact that I can play the part of a people person. Not only do I love to get into a good conversation, I love to just listen to a good talker. I love to share my own experiences if it contributes to the conversation. I am at ease in most groups and I can make people at ease around me. I am able to relate to people of most generations and feel comfortable in their company.

    So, you might be asking yourself, what? “You’re obviously a people person, good for you!”, you might be thinking.

    This is where the dichotomy comes in. I’m not a *people person*. At least I don’t consider myself a people person. It is just as easy for me to sit at the outside of a group and watch as it is to be involved. Sometimes even more so. I don’t find it necessary to socialize after work hours very often. I am quite content to keep company with my wife, sons and various other family members.

    In fact, back when I was in high school working sixty hours a week between the two jobs, my favorite thing in the world to do, on my rare day off, was to disappear into the mountains with my dog and a book. Sometimes two (books, not dogs). I could (and would still love to) spend a whole day sitting on the side of a mountain or along the banks of the river thinking and reading.

    I guess this is why I would consider myself a social hermit. It isn’t that I don’t like people. Far from it. I guess it is that I just don’t feel that I am needed, and often wonder if, outside my small aforementioned circle, I would be missed. And I sometimes wonder if that bothers me. I’ve recently come to the conclusion, again, that it doesn’t. And I wonder if it should, lol.

    My wife thinks that it would be impossible for me to give up my computers, iPhone and all things tech and make that move into the mountains now. I think she would be surprised. As much as I love this blog, enjoy my friends on twitter and am completely enthralled with the many podcasts I follow, I could easily give it all up if I could move to the mountains with my family and a dog of my choosing.

    What about you? Are you a social hermit or a social butterfly? Could you give it all up? Would you be willing to quest for your Thoreau moment?

    If someday, this site goes silent, and you never see another tweet from me, please don’t assume the worse. Assume the best. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve finally become the hermit I feel I was always meant to be.

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  • If I didn’t have something to obsess about, I’d go crazy!

    The subject line was uttered by my very own goddess. Yes, that would be my wife I’m talking about, and as far as I’m concerned, she is pretty close to perfect. My wife is one of the most caring, wonderful mothers you’d ever hope to meet. She is also a fantastic wife, and if I were ever going to be asked to have a baby, she is the ONLY nurse I would let near me. (Just as an aside, I sincerely believe if men had to have babies, the human race would be extinct in a single generation.)

    However, the aforementioned subject line also quite accurately captures my wife’s personality. She is never content with the status quo. This is true whether we are discussing the housework, the house itself, the present state of her own personal continuing education (in both formal and more arts oriented paths), relationships or almost anything you might care to mention. In her own description, this often makes her depressed. About the only thing she never is down on is our beautiful son.

    I on the other hand, am about the opposite. I rarely worry about things (even when they need to be worried about). Now, don’t get me wrong, I can get worried, and have been known to stress. Extremely. In general, however, my style is to let things come as they come.

    I’m not saying that either way is a better way to handle it, and now that we’ve recognized the benefit of both, I would say that we actually are able to use both behaviors to our family’s mutual benefit.

    I don’t know entirely why I’m sharing all of this, and I’m sure L will tell me no one else is going to care about this.

    And you know, she might be right. I don’t care.

    I hope none of you women out there ever get tired of hearing how much you’re loved and I hope none of your men ever get tired of telling you! (Of course, if you’re not used to being told, I don’t recommend accusing him of anything. Carrots (steak, etc) work better than sticks on most of us XYers.)

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  • Groundhogs and their shadows

    Don’t feel great tonight. Been a long not so great day. For some reason this poem I wrote about 20 years ago came to mind. Well poem is too kind. Anyway, since I didn’t start blogging until after groundhogs day, here it is.

    Groundhog’s Day

    When monkies fly,
    and green blood flows,
    and fluff lives on forever,
    a fat man will laugh and an ugly woman will spit,
    Then we’ll know the snow shall soon die.

    (In my defense, it seemed about as arbitrary as a rodent seeing his shadow.)

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  • How are you feeling?

    Earlier tonight I was talking with my wife and I had an epiphany.

    I, like everyone else, have of course heard the old stereotype that men are more logical and ladies are more emotional.

    Although I have seen the reverse of this true on more than one ocassion, most people I know, of both sexes, would agree with it. So, maybe my epiphany is unique to me and everyone else recognized this long ago.

    While talking with my wife this evening I realized that she thinks about her feelings quite often. She will often analyze in great detail how and what she is feeling.

    I on the other hand, don’t think about how I’m feeling at all. Not a bit. If I’m sad, I’m sad. Happy, I’m happy. I don’t think about it at all. Nope. Not at all. I of course want to know the reason, but that is a bit different, finding the cause is not the same (to me) as contemplating the emotions themselves.

    Of course I ponder why I think about things, and I don’t think my wife really does that as much. Metacognition. Thinking about thinking. I sometimes get hung up on why I have my hang ups. Or will get lost in the meaning of why I thought a certain thing at a certain time.

    Of course this all could be because I’m thinking about thinking at 2:00 A.M.

    Anyway, I would love to know what you think. Does my hypothesis that women think more about feelings (their own and others) while men think more about thinking (maybe including the reasons, but not necessarily wishing they could go back and change things) ring true to you?

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