Category: Random Fiction

  • The following short story takes place outside of the timeline, and quite possibly in an alternate universe, normally inhabited by Sebastian and his two loving bears. I also do not take the credit for the idea. A very similar story was presented to me, once upon a time. However, I hope you enjoy it…

    On the introduction of a knight to Sebastian’s court

    Sebastian looked down on the dork in the metal suit and gave a smokey chortle.

    “I demand that thou, foul lizard, doest quickly and forthwith deliver the princess, whom you hath most foully abducted, posthaste!”

    It was all Sebastian could do not to laugh outright. ‘Poor fool,’ he thought ruefully.

    Sebastian had indeed taken the girl in question. It was part of the role he played after all. A role that he had taken to with much relish.

    On how Sebastian became the abductor of, um… “maidens”

    Upon reaching the age of his full growth, Sebastian had left the forest he shared with Lady Bear and Lavender and flown through the vail of magic that surrounded his world.

    When he arrived in the world of men, he was more than a bit surprised to find that he was regarded with a large amount of fear. To this point Sebastian had never considered his formidable abilities to have been weapons, put the men he had ran into obviously felt differently.

    With no real option, other than to leave this new land, Sebastian decided to play the role he had been dealt. However, he would play it the way he chose. If he was expected to steal away young girls, he would. But, he would take the ones that he chose, for reasons of his own. And what he did with them would be of his choosing.

    The truth about saving princesses

    “And, if I decide not to?” queried the young dragon.

    “Well then, your death will be no fault of mine own, as I shall be forced to slay thee,” responded the knight in what Sebastian suspected he considered a brave manner.

    Sebastian was always a bit surprised when one of these bumpkins expressed the belief that they were adequately prepared to face him in mortal combat. He highly suspected that some poor old dragon had let a knight take him at the end of a long life, rather than to succumb to some horrible pending illness. He could see no other answer for the tales of successful assault of the lone knight on a member of his species.

    Indeed, soon after his arrival in this realm, he had been shot with a ballista, and shortly after that had taken a direct hit with a trebuchet. Neither had done more than surprise him. The concept of one of these idiots, wrapped in shiny steel, hurting him, let alone mortally, was more than laughable.

    However, as metal left a foul, well metallic, aftertaste in his mouth, he decided to try a slightly different tack with the knight. Besides, one knight’s untimely demise would most assuredly bring more.

    “Tell me,” continued Sebastian, “why do you wish to risk your life in rescuing this particular princess. I’m sure there must be other princesses out there needing rescuing that are in much less dire situations.”

    The knight looked a bit taken aback for a moment, but then steadfastly continued down path he had chosen to trod. “You have taken the Princess Miranda without provocation. You have bereft a kingdom of it’s princess. You are known to treat your victims most foully! Look, the princess is chained there at the mouth of your lair!” exclaimed the knight pointing.

    “Yes, yes,” agreed Sebastian. “All that you say is true. However, I know of at least three other princesses that are currently in need of rescuing, all in situations less dire to them and at less risk to you, why did you choose to come for Miranda?”

    Sebastian could easily see that the knight had come unprepared to defend his own actions and that, perhaps, had not even thought it completely through himself.

    As Sebastian sat there and waited, the knight’s thought process was painfully apparent. Confusion. Frustration. Contemplation. Decision.

    Finally he replied, “The Princess Miranda is a generous and benevolent ruler and much beloved by her people. They demand her return!”

    “Really.” The way Sebastian stretched out the word gave ample reason to believe he doubted the knight’s facts as stated.

    “You see,” continued Sebastian, “I always do a bit of research before I choose my din… ummm… vict… ummm… guests. Your Princess Miranda is hardly generous or benevolent, and she is far from being loved by her people. In fact, the shepherds in the kingdom universally pointed me in her direction if I would cease feeding off their livestock.”

    “Thats not true!” whined the princess, speaking up for the first time as she stamped her little slippered foot. Sebastian flicked his tale and a portion of the wall the size of a small pumpkin exploded.

    He looked at her, and with as much malice as was possible, (which considering his size, strength, teeth, claws and armoured hide, was considerable) hissed, “You have no voice in this discussion. Interrupt again at your own peril.”

    Sebastian turned his attention back to the knight, who was more than a little awed at this display of strength and speed. “So, where were we… ah yes, you were now going to tell me the real reason you have decided to risk life and limb for this female of your species.”

    The knight, a little paler than before, stammered a bit and lost a bit more of his courtly speech. “Well, you see, the princess is … well… umm… well LOOK at her! She is beautiful! Her hair is the color of spun gold, her lips are like ripe cherries, her complexion is clearer than new creme. And she has huge…” here he momentarily flushed and looked away from the princess. When he continued, he had obviously reconsidered what he had intended to say. “Yes, she has a quite a large dowry.”

    “Ah, now we’re getting somewhere,” thought the dragon. “So,” he stated, “you are here because you find the princess physically pleasing and rescuing her would put you on the path of financial gain. Does that sum it up?”

    The knight obviously had a bit of trouble deciphering what Sebastian had just said. Eventually, he got there though. “Well, um, yes, I guess that about raps it up,” he agreed.

    “Well then!” said Sebastian as he rose to his full height, “I might have a solution that will work for all parties concerned! Tell me, sir knight, have you ever encountered a female that you found as physically pleasing as Miranda here?”

    “Well, now that you mention it, yes, there is this tavern maid down the way a bit that has the most wondrous…,” again he reddened as he stammered to a halt.

    “Well then, all that you need is some physical remuneration and we should be able to come to an arrangement!” stated Sebastian as he reached into his lair. Presently he brought out two large bags of gold, a large chalice and some assorted jewels.

    “Well, now, with this you and your tavern maid should be able to make more than a pleasant start,” Sebastian said as he handed the lot to the knight.

    “Th.. thank you,” stammered the knight as he turned and headed towards his horse.

    “Hey now, wait…” whined the princess before another pumpkin sized hole appeared.

    As the knight road off there was a bright flash of light and a wave of heat. He looked back and saw Sebastian ripping into what appeared to be a haunch of mutton, but quite possibly might have been something else. As he kicked his horse into a trot, he was almost certain he heard a chortling voice say, “Well, one man’s mistress is another man’s, or dragon’s, morsel.”

    ,
  • Below you will find a short (for me, very short) story that I envisioned when I first heard the prompt for episode number 64 (I think) of the wonderful Great Hites podcast. The prompt was “modesty”. I didn’t get it written, let alone recorded, in time. It wouldn’t have placed highly, but it would have been fun regardless. Anyway, I’m glad to be back to writing again, and I hope you can find something to smile at!

    Modesty

    Not long before his death on August 16, 1948, George Herman Ruth, Jr., “The Babe”, sat down and talked with a beat reporter for the New York Times in his hospital room. The following is a transcript of that conversation.

    “Mr. Ruth, thank you for meeting with me today.”

    “Sure, sure. I am always happy to meet with my fans. The world can’t get too much of the Babe!”

    “Well sir, we’re sure going to try to give them more of you and your story. Can you tell me a little about your life before baseball? Your childhood perhaps?”

    “Sure, sure. Whatever you want.”

    “Thank you sir. Can you tell us, is it true that you learned to play baseball at an orphanage?”

    “Yeah, you got that right. Ya see my pop sent me to St. Mary’s when I was 7. It was an orphanage, but also, well like a place for kids with problems. Now, ya see it wasn’t me that had them issues, but pop couldn’t… well, he just couldn’t. So yeah, he gave me to them priests. It wasn’t all bad. Brother Matthias, we called him Matty, he taught how to play ball. Best thing that ever happened to me.”

    “Well, whatever he taught you, it seemed to have worked. You are arguably one of the finest baseball players ever. What are you the most proud of?”

    “Arguably you say? He would argue differently? Boy, I AM the best ballplayer this world will ever see. Let me tell you, there isn’t much that I’m not proud of. I can out hit, out field, out pitch, and heck, just out play any two guys out there today.”

    “As far as what am I the most proud of? Well, when you hold as many records as I do, it would be hard to choose just one.” Let me see, well, I have a career .690 slugging percent. I hit 714 homeruns son. 714. NO man will ever do better than that. I have 2,217 RBI’s. Not only that, but my lifetime average was .342. If you don’t get that, it means over my ENTIRE career I hit the ball more than a third of the time. They built me a stadium of my own just down the street. They just let the others play in it.”

    “I’m also a movie star. They made a movie called Pride of the Yankees a few years back. They even got Gary Cooper to be my costar. I’m sure they’ll be asking me to put my hand in that cement stuff over at the China place in Hollywood before long.”

    “Yeah, ain’t much I ain’t proud of. I’m every boy’s hero and every girl’s dream.”

    “Well sir, as a final question, I would like to know, is there anything you wish you had done differently?”

    …..

    “Well, I guess, after thinking about it, well…. I wish I hadn’t been so modest.”

  • *The following story is my first entry into Jeffrey Hite’s wonderful podcast Great Hites, episode number 57. If you enjoy the story, please go to the site and vote for it! (Of course, you should listen to the other stories first!) Voting is now taking place! Thanks*

    **UPDATE: Voting is now over, and believe it or not, this story took 1ST PLACE!!! Thank you to any of you that voted. The stories that were submitted for episode #57 were excellent. I am honored. Thank you again, and if you enjoyed the story, please leave a comment!**

    Running Shoes

    Wham!

    After having given the nail one last “whack”, Alexander took the obviously worn pair of work shoes from the floor, double knotted the laces, and hung them from the nail he had just placed in his workshop wall.

    Alexander stepped back and was surveying the rows upon rows of shoes that this latest pair had joined. The late afternoon light streaming through the windows illuminated the motes in the air and made the sheen of dust on the shoes evident. Margaret would surely be telling him, “If you’re going to keep all those shoes, you need to keep them dusted!” if she were to see them in the state they were now.

    “What’s all the noise out here, grandpa?” came the query, startling him from his reverie. Unnoticed to him, his grandson Alaric had entered his workshop and, coming up behind him, familiarly placed his arm around his diminutive grandfather’s shoulders. Alaric, a recent college graduate, had been staying with Alexander that last couple of weeks, but the old man was still not used to having him around.

    “Just adding another pair to my hall of fame Alaric,” Alexander replied.

    “Ever since I was a small child, I remember rows of shoes hanging on this wall gramps, but I’ve never really known why you keep them. Surely you can’t have kept every pair of shoes you’ve ever owned?” questioned Alaric.

    Alexander laughed and shook his head. “Boy, if I’d kept every pair of shoes I’d ever had, I wouldn’t own enough walls to put them on. Nah, these are just the special ones. The ones that have a story of their own. The ones that I come out and look at whenever I need a reminder of life’s journey.”

    “Next you’ll be telling me they know how to talk, and probably with funny accents,” quipped Alaric, then ducked as a rag was hurled at his head.

    Sensing a chance to get his grandfather, normally a bit of a quiet man (when it came to speaking about himself anyway), to share some of his personal history, Alaric casually went over to a pair of boots near the beginning of the first row and asked, “So what do these old boots say to you? ‘Get up, let’s go hunting?’ or maybe just ‘you should think about getting a new hobby!”

    Alexander chuckled a bit and came over to where his grandson stood. “Nah, nothing so mundane as that, son. These boots brought me back through the roughest fire fight I ever saw back in Germany during the war.”

    Alaric was a bit astounded. Although he had known his grandfather had been in World War II, this was a topic that Grandpa never discussed. Not wanting the conversation to end there, Alaric gently probed, “Really? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that story.”

    Alexander turned and looked at him with a one sided smile. “Don’t patronize me boy,” he said gently. “Of course you’ve never heard it. That would be because I’ve never told it to anyone except your grandma.”

    Alaric was afraid that his question might have had the adverse effect of the one he’d been hoping for when his grandfather reached up and squeezed his shoulder and turned around to walk off. Instead of leaving the room, however, he went over to his work bench and pulled out an old stool and sat down.

    “You might as well make yourself comfortable,” he said. “If you’re gonna get me telling my shoe stories, we might be here a while.”

    Alaric hurriedly crossed the room and sat on another of the stools as his grandfather began.

    “You see, my platoon had been ordered to take this German town. I don’t remember the name. After you’ve done it enough, they all look the same. Anyway, my squad was working its way up this street running from doorway to doorway trying to stay undercover. We knew there were German snipers around and none of us wanted to be the first to be noticed.

    Well, I was peeking around the corner of this building, and sure enough, a shot splintered the plaster off the wall close enough to make you think twice about peeking again. We figured the sniper was up in the bell tower at the end of the street, but we had no plans to try to get him out. We didn’t have the right guns to do the job. We drew straws to see who would go first and try to draw his fire. Of course, I drew the short straw.

    As things turned out, I remembered, from the brief look I’d got, that the building across the street had a wall blown out, and I reasoned that if we could get into that building through that hole, we might have a chance to gain some ground. I told the boys what I planned on doing, tightened the laces on those boots and scampered out around that corner as quick as I could. I knew that sniper had me in his sights, so I did my best to dodge and weave while hunching over as low as I could to make myself as small as target as I possible.

    From under the brim of my helmet, I could see the darkness of the hole looming in front of me, and I dove forward with all my strength. Don’t remember much after that until I came to with my squad pulling me into an alley near the building that I’d been running toward.

    ‘Did I get hit,’ I remember asking them. They all laughed. Scotty, the youngest of us all, said, ‘Yup, you got hit all right. Hit by a building!’ and they all started laughing again.

    You see, Alaric, I guess when I took that quick peek, I wasn’t seeing as clearly as I thought I was, and that hole that I dove into was in reality just a shadow on a wall. A brick wall that I had just dove head first into! I’m sure the only reason I’m here today is because that sniper was laughing ‘til he wet himself up in that tower!” finished Alexander with a chuckle.

    Alaric stared at his grandad for a moment and then started chuckling too.

    Alaric got up and wandered back over to the wall. He went up to the very first pair of shoes in the very first row. They were black with a low heel and looked as if they had never been worn, “What about these, Grandpa? What’s their story?”

    Alexander smiled a truly beatific smile. “Well son, although they pinched my toes and gave me a blister the one time I wore them, those are the luckiest pair of shoes I’ve ever owned. You see, times were tough back in the spring of ’41. Most of us figured war was coming, but none of us were truly ready. Anyway, I was a young squirt then, younger than you are now. I had just graduated high school and was pretty proud of myself. I was the first one in the family to have graduated and had just bought those shoes and a suit and had applied for my first job over at the mercantile downtown. You know the place, its where McDonald’s is now. All they had available was a position as a bookkeeper, but as soon as they offered it, I took it and was glad of the work.

    That old store was a grand old place. They actually still had a cracker barrel! The scent of spices mixed with the smell of leather and soap, and there was always somebody you knew walking among the aisles. More importantly, they had just added a soda fountain, and all the kids hung out there, including the pretty girls. I thought I was pretty lucky to have got a job there.

    In fact, I was running home to tell my parents, when the prettiest girl I ever did see walked out of the hardware store. I later found out she was visiting from out of town. Anyway, I was so busy looking at her, I guess I wasn’t looking where I was going, because I ran dang blamed smack into a light pole. I fell on my butt, right there on the side walk, and I’m sure I turned three shades of purple. I wanted nothing more than to get up and get out of there. Unfortunately, I hit that pole hard enough that the ringing in my head left me pretty unsteady. The next thing I knew, that pretty girl was leaning over me and helping me get up. She handed me my hat and helped me get home. My mother, God bless her soul, insisted she stay for some lemonade and so she was there to hear my news. Well, it turned out she staid a bit longer than just for the lemonade. That pretty girl’s name was Margaret. I married her, and five and half years later, thanks to the interruption we call the war, your dad was born. The shoes I was wearing on the night your grandma said, ‘Honey, it’s time’ are hanging right over there,” Alexander said pointing.

    “I like these shoes,” said Alaric as he gently placed them back on the nail. He wandered a bit down the line and then picked a pair off the wall about half way down. He looked at them closely.

    “Hey grandpa, what about these. What’s this brown stain?” asked Alaric.

    Alexander got off his stool and wandered up behind the young man.

    “That? That’s blood,” he said, this time with no trace of a smile. “You see, those were the shoes I was wearing the weekend I took your father and uncles up into the mountains. I accidently knocked your dad through a window. That’s your dad’s blood. It ran down my arms and onto my shoes as I bundled him up and raced down the mountain to the hospital. I’m sure your dad has told you that story,” he concluded looking rather troubled, even after all these years.

    Alaric nodded his head. His dad had told Alaric about the time that his grandfather, father and uncles had gone up to the church camp in the mountains to do some light repair work and maintenance on the buildings. A pinecone fight had broken out with Alaric’s uncles ganging up on his grandfather and father.

    His father and grandfather had climbed up on piles of mattresses that had been stacked on top of the dining room tables in the mess hall in order to try to keep the mice away from them.

    Alaric’s dad had only been thirteen at the time and had had a tough time climbing to the top. Just as he was cresting the top of the pile, Alaric’s grandad had backhanded his father on the backswing of his next throw, accidently knocking him off the pile and through a plate glass window, where a triangular shard of glass roughly seven inches on a side, severed an artery near his elbow.

    After having removed the shard, and cleansing the wound as quickly as possible, Alaric’s grandfather had thrown his father in the truck and raced him down the mountain. He then ran him into the emergency room, just in the nick of time.

    “Grandpa, if they cause you pain, why do you keep them?” asked Alaric quietly.

    “Because, as much as we would like it to be, life isn’t always joyful. If you try to forget the painful parts, you’re really trying to hide from yourself. Never do that Alaric. The only man that can truly run from himself is the man that doesn’t know who he is. And if you don’t know who you are, you aren’t really living, now are you?” stated the old man.

    “Well, I guess that’s true grandpa. I never really thought about it that way. Out of all these shoes, are most of them sad stories, or are most of them triumphs?”

    “Oh, a little of both, a little of both. Would you like to know the story behind that last pair?” asked Alexander, pointing at the pair he’d just put up.

    “If you don’t mind telling, I’d love to hear grandpa,” replied Alaric.

    “Well, as you can see, they’re worn, but they’re not worn out. The last I wore them, the last time I will ever wear them, was four weeks ago next Tuesday. I was wearing those shoes when I heard Margaret, your grandma call, and then I heard a crash from the kitchen. I went running in and found your grandmother there, lying on the floor. She was holding her heart, and there was such pain in her eyes. I called the ambulance and ran back to her. By then, she was nearly gone and her eyes didn’t hold so much pain. The last thing she ever said to me was, ‘You always did run whenever I called, dear.’ And then she passed away as I held her.”

    By the time he finished his recitation, the old man had tears in his eyes and his voice had gone hoarse.

    Alaric gathered him in his arms, and the two men, one young, one old stood there and let the tears fall.

    After a time, Alexander thumped Alaric on the back and looked up at him. “Alaric, I’m going to ask you to do me a favor. You don’t have to, but I’d sure appreciate it if you would.”

    “Of course grandpa, anything, anything at all,” replied Alaric.

    “You’ve been staying here with me since Margaret passed, and I really appreciate it. I’d always planned on leaving the house to your dad and uncles, but they all have places all ready. I’ve spoken with them, and they’ve agreed that it would be right if I left the house to you,” concluded Alexander.

    Alaric was rather shocked, but loving his grandfather as he did, was more than grateful to realize he would be able to look after the beloved place himself.

    “There is only the one thing I ask of you,” continued Alexander. “I want you to document the story of each of these pairs of shoes. We’ll come out here every day, and I’ll tell you the story of another pair, and before you know it, you’ll know my whole life’s story.”

    “Of course grandpa, I’d be honored,” replied Alaric.

    “No, that isn’t the favor. You see, when it’s my turn, when I pass, I want you to claim the shoes that I am wearing at the time, and place them on that empty nail, that one right there,” he said pointing.

    “And I want you to write, whichever pair of shoes they are, that those were the pair I was wearing, that I was wearing when I went running to meet your grandma.”

    “Running one last time.”