One man’s mistress….

The following short story takes place outside of the timeline, and quite possibly in an alternate universe, normally inhabited by Sebastian and his two loving bears. I also do not take the credit for the idea. A very similar story was presented to me, once upon a time. However, I hope you enjoy it…

On the introduction of a knight to Sebastian’s court

Sebastian looked down on the dork in the metal suit and gave a smokey chortle.

“I demand that thou, foul lizard, doest quickly and forthwith deliver the princess, whom you hath most foully abducted, posthaste!”

It was all Sebastian could do not to laugh outright. ‘Poor fool,’ he thought ruefully.

Sebastian had indeed taken the girl in question. It was part of the role he played after all. A role that he had taken to with much relish.

On how Sebastian became the abductor of, um… “maidens”

Upon reaching the age of his full growth, Sebastian had left the forest he shared with Lady Bear and Lavender and flown through the vail of magic that surrounded his world.

When he arrived in the world of men, he was more than a bit surprised to find that he was regarded with a large amount of fear. To this point Sebastian had never considered his formidable abilities to have been weapons, put the men he had ran into obviously felt differently.

With no real option, other than to leave this new land, Sebastian decided to play the role he had been dealt. However, he would play it the way he chose. If he was expected to steal away young girls, he would. But, he would take the ones that he chose, for reasons of his own. And what he did with them would be of his choosing.

The truth about saving princesses

“And, if I decide not to?” queried the young dragon.

“Well then, your death will be no fault of mine own, as I shall be forced to slay thee,” responded the knight in what Sebastian suspected he considered a brave manner.

Sebastian was always a bit surprised when one of these bumpkins expressed the belief that they were adequately prepared to face him in mortal combat. He highly suspected that some poor old dragon had let a knight take him at the end of a long life, rather than to succumb to some horrible pending illness. He could see no other answer for the tales of successful assault of the lone knight on a member of his species.

Indeed, soon after his arrival in this realm, he had been shot with a ballista, and shortly after that had taken a direct hit with a trebuchet. Neither had done more than surprise him. The concept of one of these idiots, wrapped in shiny steel, hurting him, let alone mortally, was more than laughable.

However, as metal left a foul, well metallic, aftertaste in his mouth, he decided to try a slightly different tack with the knight. Besides, one knight’s untimely demise would most assuredly bring more.

“Tell me,” continued Sebastian, “why do you wish to risk your life in rescuing this particular princess. I’m sure there must be other princesses out there needing rescuing that are in much less dire situations.”

The knight looked a bit taken aback for a moment, but then steadfastly continued down path he had chosen to trod. “You have taken the Princess Miranda without provocation. You have bereft a kingdom of it’s princess. You are known to treat your victims most foully! Look, the princess is chained there at the mouth of your lair!” exclaimed the knight pointing.

“Yes, yes,” agreed Sebastian. “All that you say is true. However, I know of at least three other princesses that are currently in need of rescuing, all in situations less dire to them and at less risk to you, why did you choose to come for Miranda?”

Sebastian could easily see that the knight had come unprepared to defend his own actions and that, perhaps, had not even thought it completely through himself.

As Sebastian sat there and waited, the knight’s thought process was painfully apparent. Confusion. Frustration. Contemplation. Decision.

Finally he replied, “The Princess Miranda is a generous and benevolent ruler and much beloved by her people. They demand her return!”

“Really.” The way Sebastian stretched out the word gave ample reason to believe he doubted the knight’s facts as stated.

“You see,” continued Sebastian, “I always do a bit of research before I choose my din… ummm… vict… ummm… guests. Your Princess Miranda is hardly generous or benevolent, and she is far from being loved by her people. In fact, the shepherds in the kingdom universally pointed me in her direction if I would cease feeding off their livestock.”

“Thats not true!” whined the princess, speaking up for the first time as she stamped her little slippered foot. Sebastian flicked his tale and a portion of the wall the size of a small pumpkin exploded.

He looked at her, and with as much malice as was possible, (which considering his size, strength, teeth, claws and armoured hide, was considerable) hissed, “You have no voice in this discussion. Interrupt again at your own peril.”

Sebastian turned his attention back to the knight, who was more than a little awed at this display of strength and speed. “So, where were we… ah yes, you were now going to tell me the real reason you have decided to risk life and limb for this female of your species.”

The knight, a little paler than before, stammered a bit and lost a bit more of his courtly speech. “Well, you see, the princess is … well… umm… well LOOK at her! She is beautiful! Her hair is the color of spun gold, her lips are like ripe cherries, her complexion is clearer than new creme. And she has huge…” here he momentarily flushed and looked away from the princess. When he continued, he had obviously reconsidered what he had intended to say. “Yes, she has a quite a large dowry.”

“Ah, now we’re getting somewhere,” thought the dragon. “So,” he stated, “you are here because you find the princess physically pleasing and rescuing her would put you on the path of financial gain. Does that sum it up?”

The knight obviously had a bit of trouble deciphering what Sebastian had just said. Eventually, he got there though. “Well, um, yes, I guess that about raps it up,” he agreed.

“Well then!” said Sebastian as he rose to his full height, “I might have a solution that will work for all parties concerned! Tell me, sir knight, have you ever encountered a female that you found as physically pleasing as Miranda here?”

“Well, now that you mention it, yes, there is this tavern maid down the way a bit that has the most wondrous…,” again he reddened as he stammered to a halt.

“Well then, all that you need is some physical remuneration and we should be able to come to an arrangement!” stated Sebastian as he reached into his lair. Presently he brought out two large bags of gold, a large chalice and some assorted jewels.

“Well, now, with this you and your tavern maid should be able to make more than a pleasant start,” Sebastian said as he handed the lot to the knight.

“Th.. thank you,” stammered the knight as he turned and headed towards his horse.

“Hey now, wait…” whined the princess before another pumpkin sized hole appeared.

As the knight road off there was a bright flash of light and a wave of heat. He looked back and saw Sebastian ripping into what appeared to be a haunch of mutton, but quite possibly might have been something else. As he kicked his horse into a trot, he was almost certain he heard a chortling voice say, “Well, one man’s mistress is another man’s, or dragon’s, morsel.”

~ by odin1eye on 24 August, 2009.

2 Responses to “One man’s mistress….”

  1. Great post, Odin! Important to ‘think things through’ – especially in the face of a dragon – or a princess for that matter.

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